Things To Know
When dating women with children you should know that the children always come first. If her children do not come first, then you might want to re-evaluate whether you should be with her. Putting her children first means that their needs come before her needs. I am not saying that her needs should not be met if the children do not approve. What I am saying is that if she will not put her own flesh and blood before her personal desires, what will she do if you are not meeting those desires.
You Have To Be Flexible
There may be times when little Johnny or little Susie gets sick, and she will have to cancel your date. There will also be times when the babysitter cancels on her and your plans have to be altered. If you feel that she is worth it, then you have to be patient with her. At the same time you have to be sure that she is not using the children as an excuse not to see you again. If that is the case, then the best thing for everyone involved is for you to move on.
When Do You Meet Her Child/Children?
Most women will want to wait a while before you meet her children. They want to make sure that you are going to be around for a while. That way they avoid having a string of new people entering and exiting their children’s lives. Part of it is that she wants to know that whether or not she is compatible with you first. She is also trying to decide how you might be when and if you actually meet her child.
If you do get to meet the child be nice, and accept that the child may not be too open to you at first. Some children still hope that their parents might get back together. Other children may feel threatened by your presence thinking that you are taking time that could belong to them. The best way to calm those fears is to try and involve them in some of your outings and encourage your new lady to spend quality one on one time with her child just as she did before you came along.
Her Children Are An Example Of How Life With Her Will Be
If the children look like they have never had a bath or home training then you are in for a wild ride. If they are tidy and respectful, then you know that she is someone who cares about their appearance, and how they treat others. Most of us are looking for someone who is responsible and honest. If she has those qualities, then you will see it in her children.
What Do You Do About Her Ex?
That depends on her ex and on her relationship with them. If her ex is an abusive knucklehead that tries to start something with you every time he sees you then you have to decide if that is something you want to deal with. If he is an alright guy, and for whatever reasons they just did not work out, then that makes things easier for you. If he is in the alright guy category, then do what you can to encourage him to spend time with his child. That makes things better for the child, and gives you and your lady some quality alone time.
He will always be her child’s father, and if he acts the part encourage the child to honor that. You can still fill the role of a father figure should the relationship make it to that level. Almost every child wants to be a part of a happy functional family. If you bring stability and dependability to their life then they will usually do everything they can to help you make the relationship work.
You Also Need To Know If Her Ex Is The Love Of Her Life
It is okay if he once was the love of her life. If he is still the love of her life then it might be best for you to move on. In that situation he has all kinds of leverage that you may never have. She is still in love with him, and they have a child/children together. Which basically means just about any time that he decides he wants her back then you are on the ropes, or out of the door.
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You may even want to share with her a poem like the one below. This is an poem that I wrote years ago. You can also read it on my personal blog at stephenjohnson.me.
Unspoken – To A Woman With Children
Though some would read and not understand
My heart is laying on the line.
No mention has been made of ties that bind
Because those ties have been replaced.
A patient love for one
An active and cheerful love for three as one
Though one and three be same.
The protective wall has room for the three
But will not push the one
And would rather continue in distant cheer
Than try to touch and thereby lose it all.
If you feel you might need some assistance with dating women with children, I am here to help, I have dated women with children. I have also been in relationships where I was the only one with children. You can learn those skills in one on one coaching sessions, coaching over the phone, and email or Skype based coaching sessions.
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